Dear Reader,
There are goodbyes that echo through generations, and then there are farewells that reshape the very foundation of a family. Last month, I experienced the latter as we watched our eldest grandson, Dylan, drive away toward his freshman year at the University of Notre Dame.
For eighteen years, our extended family witnessed Dylan’s metamorphosis from a curious infant into a remarkable young man. We celebrated his achievements, cheered from the bleachers, and watched in quiet pride as he excelled academically. Each milestone felt like a family victory because we had all grown up together.
But nothing quite prepares you for that final hug before the car door closes.
As his parents’ vehicle disappeared down the familiar street, Mary, my spouse, and I remained with Dylan’s two younger brothers, acutely aware that our weekend gathering—usually filled with the energy of three boys—now carried a different weight. The absence was palpable, not just in the quieter dinner conversations or the extra slice of pizza left untouched, but in the recognition that something fundamental had shifted.
This wasn’t simply a temporary separation. This was the crossing of a threshold from collective childhood into individual adulthood—a transition as natural as it is profound. When you embrace an eighteen-year-old heading off to college, you’re simultaneously hugging the child you’ve known and saying goodbye to them forever.
There’s a beautiful ache in this realization. College represents hope for some of our children: independence, growth, discovery, and the development of their unique gifts. Yet it also marks the end of an era when their world was largely contained within our family orbit, when bedtime stories and Saturday morning pancakes were frequent rituals rather than cherished memories. This is the paradox of deep love—sometimes it requires us to celebrate the very changes that will forever alter our relationships. Dylan’s acceptance to college is a testament to years of hard work, dedication, and nurturing from parents, teachers, coaches, and grandparents who believed in his potential. His success is our success, even as it necessarily means our daily role in his life must evolve.
The love we’ve invested in Dylan over eighteen years wasn’t meant to keep him close, but to give him the confidence to venture far. The values we’ve shared, the memories we’ve created, and the unconditional support we’ve provided become the foundation upon which he’ll build his adult life.
The hardest goodbyes are often the most necessary ones. They mark not endings, but beginnings—for Dylan as he embarks on his college journey, and for all of us as we learn new ways to love and support each other across distance and time.
Come Thanksgiving, when Dylan returns with stories of new friends and challenging classes, we’ll witness another layer of his continuing development. The young man who walks through the door will be both familiar and wonderfully changed—still our Dylan, but now more fully his own person.
And in that recognition, we’ll discover that the most profound gift of family love isn’t holding on, but knowing when and how to let go.
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